Fear comes in all shapes & sizes
Just like ice cream flavors, not all fear is created equal, and there is quite a variety out there. We have our primal fear, fear that keeps us alive, the fear that’s triggered by stigmas, fear when we watch a scary movie, fear of missing out, fear of the labels our inner critics try to convince us of, fear of the unknown, fear of things we see on the news, fried fear, pickled fear, sauteed fear, you name it.
As I’ve referenced in other posts, fear isn’t inherently bad. It’s a key player in what’s kept us alive and thriving up until this point of our lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s always worth giving into. Reason being, we now live in a world with the same hardwiring that kept us alive centuries ago, but with a way different landscape we interact with on a daily basis. Meaning some fear is– wait for it– excess. Irrelevant. Superfluous. Not integral to us making wise, beneficial, clear-headed decisions. And in a day and age where we are bombarded by scare tactics not just from the media and politics but also from brands and consumer product marketers, it can be tricky to sift through it all and know what our next move is and what’s worth acting on.
I could go into a college lecture length of “This is your brain on Fear” talk right now, but today’s post is to deliver it quick & dirty, because in moments when we’re confronted by fear, we don’t necessarily have all the time in the world to back it up with brain science, we just want to know what to do.
So what “do” I do?
So. Here are the four overarching, cut-to-the-chase questions you can ask yourself when you have a decision to make and you feel like your judgment is being driven by a little bit of anxiety or fear. And yes, of course I have boiled them down into an acronym: S.L.O.W, to represent your ability to slowwwwww downnnnnnn when you feel that instinct to make a quick yay/nay/do I /don’t I decision:
- S – Who or What is this fear Serving? (S)
- L- is my Livelihood a factor? (L)
- What are my Options? (O)
- When do I need to make this decision? (W)
Fear is, in its simplest form, a response to something. So when your fear is triggered and there’s a decision looming about how to proceed, the first thing you’ll want to ask yourself is: who or what am I responding to, and who or what is this fear serving? Marketers are especially good at exploiting societal fears, (no disrespect to marketing, I have firm and solid roots in that field, but we all know there’s a range out there) such as body image, natural disasters, loneliness, etc. The repercussions of being swayed by these particular fears aren’t always worth it, in terms of how the risks of these perceived fears play out in your life and alternate solutions that may help you address the root cause more effectively.
“Cool but can you um, give me some examples please?“
Let’s incorporate some concrete examples, with three scenarios that I’ll reference throughout this post:
a) Let’s say you’ve experienced stress-related weight gain. Certainly not the end of the world, but you have a good heart-to-heart with yourself that you’d like to take more time to take better care of yourself. Emotions live in the body, and you know that your attention towards the extra poundage isn’t about neglecting body positivity, it’s about wanting to treat your body like a temple again, but still with ample room for those 2am pizza runs. Eager for a quick fix and unintentionally falling prey to the media’s insistence that we all look a certain way, you all of a sudden start paying attention to programs that offer “transformation in a matter of weeks,” and you whip out your wallet, ready to go “all in” to become “the best you there ever was.”
b) You’re leaving a party and you have the option to hitch a ride with your friend, but they’ve got drunk eyes. They say they’ve only had a few drinks over the course of hours, but something inside you is going “babe. slow down. Uber is 3x surge pricing and you might hurt your friend’s feelings, but there’s way more at stake here.”
c) A family member or loved one of yours has been diagnosed with a scary illness, and you’re wondering how to cope. A few options in front of you include: more therapy (or another form of support) , or doing nothing.
Let’s Break it Down Now
Scenario A:
S- Who/what is this fear serving? Even if the origin of your concern is health and self-care related, an onslaught of related fears can work themselves into your mind as well, from different sources. In this situation, body image fear perpetuated by the media and society. When you pull out your wallet ready to start auto-payments that exceed your real budget, transfixed by the alluring promise this program offers, your fear is serving the marketers.
L- Is your livelihood at stake, if you don’t buy into this program right now, right away? As much as the marketers want you to believe it is, no, you will not combust if you decide to explore other fitness options.
O- What are your other options? There are many. Do you currently belong to a gym that you don’t go to? Can you start weekly hill-walks with a friend, can you take a dance class since that’s been on your list of New Years Resolutions for the past three years? Can you join a free fitness community in the city you live in?
W- When do you need to make this decision? Again, the marketers are going to make it seem like you need to pounce on this “unbeatable deal” right away, but lovebug you have TIME.
Scenario B
S- Who/what is this fear serving? That little stir inside of you, the one that goes “slow down, explore your options, YES HESITATE to hop in that car” is serving your desire to stay alive, even unharmed, and to keep others out of harms’ way. Worth EVERY.BIT.OF.HESITATION.
L- Is your livelihood at stake? Well, your life is at stake, so there’s that. So are the lives of others.
O- Are there other options? You betcha. Uber. Lyft. Yellow Cab. Calling a friend to pick you up. Asking the host if you all can crash on the couch. 3x surge price on rideshare apps should be the least of your worries at this point in the game.
W- When do you need to make this decision? Make it now, and make it firmly. Call that rideshare app, tell your friend she can move her car in the morning, and pile her into the Toyota Camry arriving in 3 minutes with you.
Scenario C
S- Who/What is this fear serving? – This is a tricky one. This is fear of the unknown, and fear brought on by the scary and unsolvable mysteries of life. You’re scared because you’re human, and you’re scared because you don’t know what will happen. It is in every way absolutely understandable to be paralyzed and confused by this kind of fear. Sometimes you need to call in the experts in times like these, and there is no shame in doing so. Up your therapy. If therapy’s not your “thing,” research support groups. Whatever you need to do, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
L- Is your livelihood at stake? Your mental wellness is, which is a crucial part of showing up in the world the way you want to. It’s also a crucial part of getting clarity on what you CAN do in a situation where you feel powerless.
O – Are there other options? There are a number of options, here, but the “doing nothing” approach keeps you paralyzed in this awful fear. Find the help that you need. Make an investment in your mental wellness and ability to work though this.
W – When do you need to make this decision? Well, there’s no timer on here, but the sooner you start, the sooner you might be able to start finding answers.
Now it’s your turn
Alright you fabulous human, you — you’re that much more equipped! Navigating our relationship with fear is definitely a nuanced process, and it’s all about developing a toolkit that we feel confident about. Next time you’re at a crossroads, try whipping out the S.L.O.W. approach. And remember, above all, that you are bigger than your fear. There is enough room in your life for fear to exist. And there is enough room for you to interact with it and decide to override it. Go get ’em tiger.
